I’m doing this as a test to see if I can pull off having a website. Pull off not the right way to say it. Whatever. Trying to make a website...
I wanted to make a blogspot, but I think this might actually be easier somehow?
Anyways, ummmmm.... That guy, Charlie Kirk died today. Second video of someone being killed I’ve seen in a year. When was Luigi? Last December, that’s right. I don’t think I currently have anything interesting to say about assassination, or assassination videos for that matter. I think all the dead girl town shows and dexter reboots I’ve watched have left me pretty ... numb/dumb? That and seeing daily footage of the genocide of Palestinians, police violence/murder, evil administration updates, seeing people being kidnapped and sent to Venezuelan prisons - families torn apart, kids dying, students being killed, and so on and so on and so on. It adds up. Everything is violent. Thick thick layer of dirt we’re all living under.
“Sitting under that same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air” comes to mind <3.
I just got a copy of the bell jar that the seller says is first american edition, but it was 25$ so I REALLY doubt it. But it feels old, and it’s beautiful and the chill in the air is telling me to do an annual re-read. Reminder to bring my SAD lamp out of the basement. Actually, I’m so “SAD” that the lamp has been sitting in the hallway asking to be put away for a year now. Tee hee.
In a yoga video I like to do, the teacher, Kiesha Battles, says:
1. May all sentient beings have happiness and its causes.
2. May all sentient beings be free of suffering and its causes.
3. May all sentient beings not be seperated from sorrowless bliss.
4. May all sentient beings abide in equinimity free of bias, attachment, and anger.
The four immeasurables. I find myself saying them, or a version of them, when I see something really upsetting.
I didn’t say them when I watched that video earlier. Hmm.
Broken ponies in my stable.
Speaking of books (kind of?), I’m an E-Reader these days. Vomit. Here’s my hack: Annas-archive.org - I donate like, 10/20 bucks to get faster downloads cuz I am impatient and love to pay for things. It’s an archive of a bajillion e-books, pdfs, etc, and they have like scientific “journals” or whatever you call academic papers. It’s been life changing. I got a kindle cuz I thought it was like, you pay for a kindle, then you get to download books for free. How foolish I was.
I don’t totally fuck with not paying for books...so i buy a real copy if I liked reading it. I’m gonna keep using ebay as my bookstore. There’s some pretty cheap and beautiful options on there.
I wanted an incense house yesterday and didn’t want an ugly amazon one, so I went on etsy and found a cute store that had cheap junk. I’ll add pics of my haul (ceramic dogs, incense house, trivet, old matchbooks). If I had a car, I’d be shopping at MyUniques in Jersey. Etsy and ebay r cool for now. No more amazon. It’s enough. Return to patience.
Well, I really need to go clean my room. I’ve been sitting here in the “Studio” with Hannibal playing. I’ve never watched this show before. I think I’m on ep 4 now....could not tell you what it is about, what is going on, who anyone is.
I feel called to making sure the feng shui of my room is OKAY. The first step is cleaning. I saw a (DEFINITELY AI) video of a man saying that a messy room means loss of money. It spooked me. I destroyed my closet trying to take outfit pics to send to a creative director as we try to decide WHO I AM. I have been crying and throwing very bizarre tantrums spiraling around insecurity and expectations. My iron level is a 20. I got it up from a 6, but I have to keep remembering that that is NOT HELPING MY MENTAL HEALTH.
GOALS FOR TOMORROW :
1. See Mom & Grandma Kitty
2. Do Yoga / Sweat
3. Take more photos
4. Grocery shop & cook the chicken that’s in the fridge
5. Really try to go to frost children show even tho it’s at 11pm
6. Do this again (website)